In this article I am going to describe what we mean by “unburdening” parts in IFS Therapy as described by the founder, Richard Schwartz. I recommend this article to people who have a good understanding of the key concepts of IFS like parts, protectors, exiles and Self. If you are unfamiliar with these words, please read my articles on this page.
What is a burden in IFS
Parts, during life, develop based on the interactions they have with other internal parts or with parts that belong to the external system. This is how Richard C. Schwartz describes a burden
“Parts often take on extreme ideas, behaviours, or feelings derived from extreme events or interactions with others in a person’s life, and carry these like transferred burdens that organise and constrain them.”
Schwartz, Richard C. “Internal Family Systems Therapy”
Burdens are, therefore, features that parts take on as a result of problematic or traumatic interactions and that remain as unfinished business that modify, usually in an unhealthy way, the behaviours and tasks the part originally had. Here are some examples
1- a young part might carry the belief that, in order to be lovable, one must have a perfectly slim body;
2- a manager part might have the belief that, in order to succeed and be respected at work, one needs to be working to exhaustion and that no other level of effort is acceptable.
Unburdening a protector
“This process of identifying and releasing the extreme emotion or belief that a part carries is called unburdening and, in IFS, is equivalent to healing the part.
Schwartz, Richard C. “You are the One You Have Been Waiting for”
Unburdening is a process by which a part lets go of a burden it is carrying. There are specific techniques to help parts unburden, and it is fair to say that each part has its own way of unburdening. Letting go of a burden can take a few forms.
A protector (manager or firefighter) can let go of burdens by becoming aware of the fact that things have moved on since the time the burden was taken on. We call this situation “update” in IFS, and it consists in Self letting the part know how things are in the present. If no other constraints are stopping the part from releasing their burdens, unburdening happens. The part will spontaneously realise that some behaviour or emotion is no longer serving any purpose, and change will flow from there.
There are situations, though, in which the protector, even if it knows of the existence of a burden, cannot let go of it. This is because of other reasons that stop the unburdening process. These are a few examples
The part is worried that, if it lets go of the burden, something bad will happen to the system;
The part is concerned that, without the burden, another part will take too much control resulting in the whole system going in an unwanted direction;
The part is protecting an exile (or more than one), and can only change if the exiles are unburdened;
The external system is not conducive to change.
Unburdening is a journey that is unique to the burdened part and it can only happen when Self makes contact with that part and discovers, from the part, the specific conditions needed for the unburdening to be possible.
Unburdening an exile
As mentioned earlier, one of the reasons why a protector might not be able to let go of a burden is because it is protecting an exile, who is holding, possibly, the same and/or other connected burdens.
I strongly recommend, in line with all the IFS trainers, that unburdening is handled with extreme care and compassion. I recommend that the reader looks into the steps of unburdening written by Richard C. Schwartz to get familiar with the process and that they seek professional help.
Many types of psychotherapy have their ways of dealing with trauma, and I find that IFS includes and integrates aspects coming from various schools. I have had parts that were skeptical of the IFS model for a long time and had hours of discussions with my supervisor, before realising the depth of the unburdening process, and its beauty.
While I am redirecting the reader to the founder’s book to find the steps of unburdening an exile, I want to name some of the results that can be expected from unburdening an exile
The repair of attachment wounds through inner work without necessarily involving others (including the therapist) in the process;
The retrieval of qualities that the exile was holding back and their integration in the present (for example, joy);
The spontaneous disappearance of extreme thoughts and behaviours.
A final comment
While the unburdening of an exile is one of the most wanted therapeutic outcomes, it is necessary to bear in mind that unburdening is, first and foremost, a spontaneous process that the part will to through when enough Self energy is present. It is important to make sure that Self is present along all the steps of the unburdening process.
It is unfortunate, but there are instances of people either forcing the unburdening of a part or turning it into some sort of sequence of steps that “must” happen. If this is the case, then Self is unlikely to be present and it is a part, not Self, who is pushing other parts in a certain direction. If the reader has tried to unburden some parts and, despite all seemed to go as it should, there are no real changes, it is important to check whether parts are taking over the unburdening process.