Self Leadership
When our Parts give space, the Self spontaneously emerges
Before learning about IFS, the Self and Parts, we have all lived a life in which we have identified with the ways of thinking and behaving of our Parts. This is a natural state, and we can discover the Self that lies at our core when our Parts allow the Self to get space. Dick Schwartz writes
We can’t force ourselves to feel compassion, no matter how much we believe in its benefits. So how do we get there? How do clients get there? When clients are willing to focus inward and seek guidance about how best to separate extreme parts with their distorted emotions and thoughts, their Self is released and the qualities they need to be good leaders show up spontaneously.
(Schwartz, Richard C.; Sweezy, Martha. Internal Family Systems Therapy, Second Edition (p. 46). Guilford Publications.)
It can be difficult to believe that, instead of being led by the ways of thinking of our extreme parts, we could be led by our Self. When this happens, we say that we are exerting Self leadership. From this state, we can make choices based on clarity, and take actions based on compassion and courage.
When clients do IFS Therapy, not only they get to know their Self, but they also get to know their entire systems. One session after another, Parts will get to know the Self. This connection is healing and allows the Parts to liberate themselves from the burdens that keep them in extreme roles. When that happens, our Part can become Self-led, making more Self Energy available to the entire system.