Covid-19 anxiety for people living away from their families of origin
We moved to a different country for professional reasons
We embraced the dream of a world without barriers
In exchange for money and career, there is a price to pay
Everyday we bridge the gap between the culture we come from and the culture we chose to live in
From how we greet each other, to how we work, date, and have fun, we have adapted to the new land
No one thought this pandemic would make that gap much wider
How does it feel when your home country is on lockdown?
How would you react if your loved ones abroad were ill, and you couldn’t visit or hear from them?
How would they feel if you got ill and they could not reach you?
How would it be to fall ill and be away from them?
These words come up to me as I follow the endless flow of information. There is such a fine line between work ethics, economy, family and health at the moment.
I am writing this article to support people, like me, who live away from their families.
Support for me does not mean giving you a to-do list of things to cheer up. You can find these easily somewhere else.
I am a psychotherapist, I heal the psyche of people, and, in these times of difficulty, I have the urge to contribute to the wellbeing of my community in the best way I can: through honesty.
When we have difficulties in life, it does not help to run away from them. What helps is to spell out, honestly and fully, what is making us worry. There is no list of activities, movies or readings that can substitute the expression of one’s true feelings.
Please hear this out
Please hear me out!
There is no worry that is “stupid” or “silly”
If you think this, think twice, and, if you still think it, think again… or simply ask another human being you trust.
You are NEVER the only one worrying about something
If you think that no one else has the same worry as you have, think twice, and, if you still think it, think again… there are billions of people on the planet and every single one of the, every one of us, is affected by the pandemic. You are not alone!
There is ALWAYS someone out there to listen to you
Yes, there is! If you are reading this article, it means that my good wishes have reached you. People are kinder than we think, and this pandemic is a challenge to the whole world to find that kindness inside of us, to reach out and connect to each other.
If you still believe that on one is there to listen to you, remember that, like me, there are thousands of mental health professionals trained in listening without judgement to whatever you need to say.
Understanding your true feelings and expressing them safely to someone who can offer empathy is, ultimately, the key to feel that you are not the only one feeling like this and that you are not alone.
Worries for our own health while in isolation
Many of us moved abroad in our late twenties, which means we did not have much time, in this new land, to create what we call “family”.
It takes time to trust new people and to build relationships with them. Who do you call when you need help? And who calls you when you really need someone to reach out to you?
London is an amazing city, but it does not make it easy to build relationships that last long enough to feel like family (or at least this is true for my Italian way of thinking - this is totally my bias). Things change so fast that is hard to catch up and maintain a sense of continuity of life.
We move flats from one part of the city to another and we meet people who live far. Our colleagues become the closest relationships we have to family, but people change jobs.
We find the best friendships in those who are “strangers” like us, but these are the people who are most likely to pack up and leave. How many friends do we have around the world? We can get a free bed around the globe, but who is here, close to us, when we need human warmth?
We are now told to isolate… but many “strangers”, especially after the trauma of Brexit, felt already isolated and voiceless. We are not on the priority list of the new land. We are “young” and “strong” and we know how to make it through hardship, but we are not invincible and we are humans.
We need safety and respect. We need the difficulties to be a “stranger” to be respected and taken into consideration at all levels. We are more than economical assets; we are human beings.
Throughout the endless stream of news, there is no mention of how isolation is going to affect people who moved to a new land. Our resilience is taken for granted, but it does not cost much to recognise our situation.
Will the healthcare system in the new land care for me? Or will my economical contribution be meaningless when I need health care if my passport says I’m from another place?
Worries for the health of people abroad
Our parents and extended family live abroad
They are the old generation, at risk of their life more than any time before
Are they protected? Are they telling us all that we need to know?
We are closing borders, but borders are only physical. We can be there for people at distance thanks to the amazing technology that we have.
We can care for people in ways that we have never been seen before. Emotions do not have borders. Emotions spread through the world as soon as two people connect.
Many people suffer from emotions because they go beyond physicality.
Now it is time to reverse this.
It’s time to use the positive power of emotions and realise that we have the power to create a borderless network of positive, supportive emotions that connect each soul on earth.
Emotions spread faster than the virus! They are much more contagious than corona virus or than any bug. We can make a difference for each other, and we are not aware enough of it.
The virus infects people that are close to each other, right? How many times a smile from a stranger has made the difference in your day? If a movie, a song or a book can make us feel better, imagine what difference a kind message, a lovely call or a surprise video call can make!
Imagine how beautiful it would be to reach out to someone who you have not connected with for a long time? We can all be the smiley stranger!
We can meet the worries of our parents with a kind ear. We can do so much to be “there” for them… maybe just seeing our face will make their day.
Considering whether to move back
Family might ask us to go back home.
When we moved to the new land, we thought “Oh, it is just a short flight away from home”. Now that physical connection is compromised.
Going back to our country means, potentially, that we are brining the virus with us; this putting our vulnerable relatives at risk. At the same time, are we prepared to face social isolation and lockdown when we are away from family?
We learnt in childhood that, when we have got a flu, we stay home and someone looks after us until we get better. It was always a temporary state, and we never worried that our parents would be vulnerable.
It is a difficult call. On the one hand we are used to the support of our family, and we risk that isolation will make us feel worse; one the other hand, we want to support our family, but we risk bringing the virus to them.
This is, by far, the hardest decision to make. It is never easy to understand where self-care end and where care for others begin.
Staying home means means caring for oneself, and also caring for other by limiting the spread of the virus. Going out means that we can help someone who is in need.
Self-isolation is imposed on some people, while others are working triple hard to support lives. These people are putting their health in service of the community. There is not enough equipment to keep workers safe from contagion, yet these people expose themselves.
Answering these questions at an individual level is impossible.
We need a collective answer to this.
We look at political authorities to provide guidelines and we are confused by how different countries give different rules.
This is, perhaps, the challenge of human race. Where do our needs end, and where to the needs to others begin?
We have been abusing and destroying earth for decades, and this pandemic is making us face the truth: we need to find a more harmonious way to live life.