Unblending from parts - one of the hidden gems of IFS Therapy

The concept of blending is key to IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy, and it is, therefore, important to clarify a few aspects of the “blending” and “unblending” processes. I’ll start from the basis by describing what we mean by blending and unblending, and then I will go into more technical considerations on the importance of unblending.

What is “blending”?

Blending is the process by which a part of our system merges and becomes indistinguishable from Self. Through blending, parts can take control over thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and pretty much any function of our body. Parts are in control of the extent to which they blend with Self.

What is “unblending”?

Unblending is the opposite. When a part unblends from Self, there is a sense of increased spaciousness in the body and there is also more scope for Self energy to flow in the system. Parts can unblend from Self when they believe it is safe and appropriate to do so.

Is blending bad and is unblending good?

It is important to not fall into the trap of considering blending a bad thing. Blending is a spontaneous process by which we live life. A part that needs to assist us through life appropriately blends when it is called upon. It is, in my opinion, a good thing that a part that is good at managing our feelings comes in when we realise that something is off with our reactions. It is also incredibly useful that parts that can answer questions correctly, can perform tasks with high levels of accuracy or can enjoy and relax, blend at the appropriate moments.

When parts blend and unblend from our Self in a harmonious way, we can swiftly adapt to all circumstances. During the same day, we can be assertive at work during a difficult meeting, and also playful with a colleague an hour after. We can also be our loving self when we connect to loved ones, and relax and switch off the brain by reading or watching TV.

When blending and unblending happen in harmony with the demands and needs of the situations we are in, the system can be considered healthy

What’s the purpose of unblending during an IFS Therapy session?

IFS Therapy uses the term “unblending” to indicate when a part steps aside and leaves more space for Self to take the lead. While in everyday life it is pretty useful to stay blended with certain parts (especially is they are Self-led), in therapy we tend to meet those parts that carry burdens and decide to blend with Self with protective intentions, but with undesirable effects.

Unblending for healing purposes is key. I think this is one of the biggest contribution of IFS therapy because Dick Schwartz has managed to describe, with this simple concept, why other forms of therapy are not as effective as IFS. When an IFS therapist is with a client, one of their tasks is to continuously be curious of the level of Self energy available to the client. If one, or more, burdened or non Self-led parts are blended with the Self, the client will have little or no Self energy available. The consequence of that is that the only healing potential relies on the therapist’s Self energy and on the client’s availability to receive that energy.

Every form of psychotherapy that does not recognise the process of blending/unblending does not take into consideration the client’s Self energy and might, therefore, either cause no results, rely solely on the therapist’s Self energy, or inadvertently facilitate the client’s Self energy without knowing it.

Please note that it is possible, and sometimes needed, to do IFS therapy without naming “Self” or “parts” by using “implicit direct access” all the time as Frank Anderson states in his book “Transcending Trauma”. The disadvantage is that the client will not make as much progress as when Self energy is openly named and invited, and the healing factor is in the fact that the therapist holds, in their mind, the IFS model and knows and constantly assesses when Self energy is available.

So… how do we unblend from a part?

This is easier said than done, and this is, always in my opinion, the reason why it can be difficult to do IFS without the help of a therapist.

The first step to unblend from a part is, obviously, to check if you are blended with a part or not, and the way of doing it is through the key question of the 6F’s "How do I feel towards this part?”. You can read more about the 6F’s on my article here, and I have also written an article on the “feel towards” question here (you can see that I have parts that really like this aspect of the model). When you ask yourself or a client this question, and the answer is anything that does not show Self-energy, then you know a part is blended with Self.

At this point, we can simply ask the part “would you step aside?” and, if the part decides to do so, the part will step back and, therefore, unblend from the Self. If not (and this is usually the case with very burdened and traumatised systems), the part that does not unblend needs to become the new target part. At this point, we can either attempts to go through the 6F’s again using this new part as target, or we can use Direct Access and speak to the part directly.

With enough exposure to Self energy (either from the therapist or from the client’s Self), parts eventually unblend. Please be reminded that there might be some “therapist parts” in the therapist that feel uncomfortable when parts do not step aside, remain blended, and do not comply with the steps of the model. Remember that there is wisdom in the system and that there is a good reason if a part does not unblend. It might take an entire session or a set of sessions before a part decides to unblend. Remember that it is a part’s decision to unblend and that, if another part is at play and forces some form of unblending, Self energy is not present.

In conclusion, we cannot decide when and how a part will unblend. All that we can do is to identify the part and help the part connect to Self Energy. Listening to the part’s concerns and reasons for not unblending can go a long way.

Final Note

I hope you have enjoyed this article and that you found it useful. Feel free to leave comments, express your thoughts and share it on social media. Thank you!