IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy uses 6 steps, called the 6 F’s, to help us get to know those parts of ourselves that we call “protectors”.

There are two types of protectors (managers and firefighters) that aim at protecting our system in different ways (you can read more about these types of parts here).

Below you can find an image that explains the 6 F’s, and also a detailed explanation of how the 6 F’s work based on my experience as a therapist. You can also download a pdf version of the image at the end of the article.

The 6 F’s apply to any part that has a specific job or task to carry out in our system, and they stand for the following words:

1. Find

2. Focus

3. Flesh out

4. Feel toward

5. Befriend

6. Fear

These steps are excellent for teaching purposes because they give a clear and simple map to follow.

With enough training and practice, they can be used on yourself to help you navigate your own system, but I need to warn you that it is quite challenging to do this on your own.

The 6 F’s of IFS in action

When it comes to using or seeing the 6 F’s in action (for example if you have come across a video by an IFS Therapist or if you go to an IFS training), you might realise that it is not always possible to follow these steps in the exact sequence.

The therapist’s task is, first and foremost, to follow the client’s system, and these 6 F’s can be a useful map to have, but they do not need to become prescriptive. Like any technique in therapy, its effectiveness is based on the level of training of the therapist and on the trust established between client and therapist.

These 6 F’s can be divided into 3 stages

• Stage 1 - becoming aware of a part (Find, Focus, Flesh out)

• Stage 2 - check if there is enough Self-energy to connect to the part (Feel toward)

• Stage 3 - connect to the part only if there is enough Self-energy available (Befriend, Fear)

Here is a more detailed explanation. Please remember to refer to my IFS articles below if you want to read more about Self or Protectors.

IFS Articles on Self

IFS Articles on Protectors

Stage 1 - becoming aware of a part (Find, Focus, Flesh out)

This stage is made of the first 3 F’s (Find, Focus and Flesh out). I put these three F’s together in one stage because they are interconnected and tend to happen at the same time.

We usually start with Finding a part in the system that is asking for attention at that specific moment. The easiest way to achieve this is to turn your attention inwards and recognise what is happening inside. Being silent and closing the eyes usually helps at this point as we tend to pay more attention to sounds and images that come from outside of us. Not having to produce language and communicate with others also allows for better connection to our inner world.

If you manage to spend enough time looking inside, you will notice that a specific set of emotions, thoughts, body sensations and/or images come to the fore. If this is the first time doing IFS, you might have a first experience of a part of you that is making itself present. I usually find that this method allows for a part to spontaneously emerge.

Typical questions at this stage can be

• What do you notice if you turn your attention inwards?

• Is there any specific section of your body that you are feeling more than others?

• Is there anything you perceive in or around your body that does not fully feel like it is you?

• Is there an emotion or a set of thoughts that come to the fore?

As the process of Finding unfolds, we keep our attention on what is emerging to make sure that the part is allowed to express itself in the way it best sees fit in that particular time. We are now in the second F because we are Focussing on that specific part. Focussing makes sure that the part has enough space and time to show itself and that we give it attention. It is important to keep on focusing on what is happening inside as we are not used to doing so. At this point, good prompts are

• Can you allow whatever is emerging to be there?

• Spend some time recognising that there is a part of you that wants your attention right now.

• Focus on whatever is making itself known to you for a little while.

If we focus enough, the process continues into the next F.

At this point, after enough time has been spend Finding and Focussing, the part has become a stable set of bodily sensations and/or emotions, thoughts, images, etc. It is at this point that the part shows itself in a more complete form. It is as if all the different aspects of the part come together and we have more sense of this part so that we can Flesh it out. The part might, for example

• Show a clear image of itself;

• Generate a precise set of body sensations located in a specific section of the body;

• Provide memories;

• Start communicating by giving messages.

These first three F’s are interlinked and can happen more or less at the same time, especially if we are familiar with the process.

Once we have found, focussed and fleshed out a part, we have basically chosen a target part that we might get to know better.

Going through the first 3 F’s is a big deal for a system that has never done it before. It is like opening the door to a guest and letting this guest come in for the first time. We cannot deny their presence any longer… and we need to be careful now because there might be other parts of our system that are not happy to welcome this guest in our inner system.

Stage 2 - is this target part welcome?

Let’s continue with the example of a guest coming for a visit. Imagine that you are at home with other guests already there, and this new guest has just arrived. You have opened the door and, as you are greeting the new guest, all the existing guests (parts) are aware that a new part has entered the space.

Protective parts might step in and stop our connection with this new part. We have no way of knowing how the various parts of the system react to the idea of getting to know the target part, therefore, we ask “How are you Feeling towards this part?”. The 4th F (Feel Toward) is one of the most important steps in IFS.

The answer to this question reveals whether there is enough Self Energy to continue with the other two F’s.

How do we know whether there is enough Self Energy?

The rule is to check whether the client feels any of the so-called “8 C’s” of Self Energy (Calm, Connection, Compassion, Creativity, Clarity, Curiosity, Confidence and Courage). The more the answer to “How do you feel towards this part?” is close to the 8 C’s (also known as qualities of Self), the more Self Energy is available.

At times, the answer contains one of the 8 C’s, but there are many other ways in which Self Energy can be expressed. If in doubt, we keep on asking until we are clear.

Expressions like “I feel sad towards this part” could be an indication of compassion. Answers like “I don’t know”, “I feel nothing” and “I feel neutral” are quite common (especially at the beginning of IFS), and we might want to spend a little longer in these cases. Let’s look at them one by one

• “I don’t know” - this answer can indicate a sense of neutrality and openness, or a sense of not being interested. It is wise to check which one it is. Neutrality and openness are a form of curiosity and calm, and, therefore, there is Self Energy. If, instead, there is lack of interest, it means that a part has stepped in and that Self is not that available at point. “I don’t know” might also mean that the client is feeling something, but is unsure of what it is or how to put it in words; in this case, check if an embarrassed part has stepped in, or if more time is needed in Fleshing out the part;

• “I feel nothing” - again, this could be a sign of neutrality, which usually indicates calm (which is Self Energy); just spend a little longer with the neutrality and see if anything else is felt. If there is no calm, “I feel nothing” might mean that a part has stepped in that wants to feel nothing… if this is the case, there is not much Self Energy;

• “I feel neutral” - like above, check if this neutrality comes from a place of calm and openness (Self Energy), or from a place of not wanting to know and remain separate (part energy).

If we have established that there is enough Self Energy, we proceed to the last two F’s (Stage 3).

If there is not enough Self Energy, we are in the presence of a part, and we have two options

1. We kindly ask the part to step back. If it does, we ask again “How do you feel towards the target part now that the part has stepped back?”

2. We kindly ask the part to step back, but it does not do it. In this case, we make this part the new target and we start from the first 3 F’s with this new part.

Stage 3 - We create a Self-to-Part relationship (Befriend, Fear)

Once we have established that there is enough Self Energy available, we facilitate the creation of a relationship between Self and Part.

We want to create a two-way relationship between Self and Part. So far, we have established that Self is there and ready to get to know the part, but we still don’t know if the part is ready and willing to communicate.

We ask questions like “Is the part aware of you?” or “Is the part willing to connect with you?”. The key here is to allow time and space for this relationship to blossom spontaneously and at the pace that the part feels comfortable with.

Once a relationship has been established, we are in a position of asking two key questions to the protector

1. What do you achieve by doing your job?

2. What are you scared would happen if you stopped doing your job?

Once the 6 F’s have finished, Self and Part have entered into a new relationship. It is important to remember that the part might change its behaviour or reveal information previously kept secret only where there is enough trust between Part and Self. I witness over and over again how effortless change for the better happens when Self and Part enter a compassionate relationship.

Seeking specialist help

IFS offers a wonderful way of creating changes and healing deep trauma. It uses a language that is easy to understand for clients and professionals. Some of the 6 F’s can be tried on oneself, but I definitely recommend seeking specialist help from someone officially trained in IFS Therapy and that has attended courses that are recognised by the IFSI (IFS Institute).

It is only by following these trainings, practicing IFS on others and regularly consulting with more experienced practitioners that it is possible to grasp the model in its full depths. Reading articles like this could be a good introduction, and, if interested, I definitely recommend reading the books by Dick Schwartz (the founder of IFS).

One final note…

I hope this article has given you some insight into the IFS method. I personally write these articles and they are freely available on my website. I kindly ask that you reference them by quoting this webpage if you use them for personal, professional or educational purposes.

If there are topics you would like to know more about, please let me know.